Wanting What You Have or Having What You Want?

My friend the communist
Holds meetings in his RV
I can’t afford his gas
So I’m stuck here watching TV

I don't have digital
I don't have diddly squat
It’s not having what you want
It's wanting what you’ve got

So croons Sheryl Crow in her hit song, “Soak Up the Sun.”

There was a time about 15 years ago when I was dying to have a computer. PC’s were becoming the norm, but the majority of households, including mine, were without one. My main reason for wanting one was, like today, I did a prolific amount of studying and writing. I found that I was filling notebooks full of sermons (having no idea what I was to use them for). But I knew that a computer would be a terrific help.

It wasn’t until a few years later, when I finally changed careers to do what I’d always wanted to do – graphic design – that having a computer became more of a necessity. You see, at the time, the graphics industry was beginning to make the transition into digital, and Macintosh was the computer of choice in the industry. So fresh out of design school, I bought my first computer: a Mac Quadra with a whopping 36 megabytes of RAM! (I even ordered it with an “upgraded” hard drive of 500 megabytes.)

Today, I own an iPod with 16 times the disk space, but at the time it felt like I had a souped-up Chevy big block under the hood.

But a few years after getting this first computer, something strange happened… computers got faster, and having 36 MB of RAM was no longer impressive – it was laughable. And I began running out of space on that 500 MB hard drive. So I needed more…

So here’s my question. Is “Wanting What You Have or Having What You Want” an either-or proposition? Or is it a fallacy, suggesting that there are only two possible choices, when three or more really exist?

Here’s what I mean. After the decision was made to get a new computer, the shortcomings of my current one loomed even larger in my mind. I found myself disparaging my now-obsolete old friend. Gone were the days when I was “dying” to have a computer, any old computer. I wanted more and I was getting what I wanted. And as each passing day brought the arrival of my new beauty closer, the more my distain grew towards my old companion.

Now, according to the either-or mindset of “Wanting What You Have or Having What You Want,” I was definitely over-indulging in “Having What You Want.” But at some point, I came to my senses and realized what I was doing. I remembered how it was when I didn’t have any computer, and I realized that my attitude had become that of a spoiled, ungrateful child. Yet, I didn’t just switch over to the other side of “Wanting What You Have,” and decide just to keep my old computer. Instead I began exploring a third option, outside of the “either-or” fallacy. I asked whether there was such a thing as healthy discontent – that is, being grateful for what you have, yet still desiring more. And by “more,” I’m not necessarily referring to more possessions, more money, etc. But more in life.

What I began to realize was that it was okay to want a more up-to-date computer, but that it wasn’t okay to have such an ungrateful attitude towards anything I possessed, even a computer. So I began to thank God and tell him how grateful I was to even have a computer.

I know this probably seems shallow. (That age-old classic, “Finish your dinner; don’t you know there’s staving people in China?” comes to mind.) And I can easily justify feeling appropriately guilty knowing two-thirds of the world’s population lives without basic necessities, much less have a computer. Yet, must I be in a continual state of guilt, just because I’m blessed? It sounds very spiritual, but is it, really?